facebook

argh... been busy these days with my facebook. it seems that i am too free now to do anythin else. ha. well... that's another story for another time.

one year and one month.

1yr1mth
time past so fast that i long forgotten about our 1yr agreement and i don't intend to keep it anyway.
kinda happy and sad, very much of a mixed feelin. felt very different.
happy coz it's very special.
sad coz it makes mE think back on the ugly past that i have created and how sucky i am.
nevertheless, i am very happy to be with KD.


Happy 1yr1mth

Reality

reality of nowadays very much differ from what appeared from yestern paradigm.
it was a time where home cooked food were only found at home, arts was a subject found in school and camera requires film.

though time still remains at twenty four hours a day and sun still rises from the west and set in the east, many entity before us seems to have evolved or begun to endanger as people livin on this little red dot have life expectancy of eighty. apparently, that might not or are not such a bad thing after all, takin the fact that travelin from the east to the west was sharply reduced and all gadgets were nano-ified to "palm size".

when environmental changes, in term of society and ecology, have can individual jus stand still there and refused to budge. there were time when curfews were imposed of returning home before ten, i lived in that era, but what for now when government encouraged people to extend their night time. ching-gay was a overnight item this year, it's on till late. every first friday of the month is midnight shoppin. more and more outlets opens 24hrs. 24hrs outlet could be considerably a flop ten years ago, other than 7-11 and now it's a hit.

thinkin were no doubt another victim of the paradigm shifted. the way people talks, behaves and thinks were diverted from the way it was. gentlemen are hard to find nowadays owin the fast pace the mass is movin at. family bond are made over computer or sms, not dinner. occasions were somewhat existed for the sake of bein a public holiday. values were found mainly in monetary term.

that is the reality.
=)

it's ONE.

it's one now.
that really give mE more motivation and more reason to stay on and push on.
*the rest about it is in my personal diary. =)

sleep

i can cannot sleep!
things have been bombardin my mind these days!!!
one thing for sure that SOMETHIN gonna change after the BIG day!

updown

up and down are inevitable in relationship. it somehow came to my attention that my blog is, sadly, an extremely useful avenue for mE to snap and shout out loud without hurtin or causin someone's sweet dreams to turn into nightmare.
somehow, with all due respect to profession that KD is workin now created some tension. the tension is some great and uptight that it is jus a matter of time that it will snap anytime when care is not properly administered. in retrospect, things might have gone this bad before, but it was well-informed and things were much properly managed without the tension settlin and the stress level ain't reachin boilin point. in the myriad relationships of my kind i've seen, daily encounter really ain't somethin that i see less cases of stayin together, but mine does even when it's nearin about a year of our union. the relationship now is dependin on this very much i guess, but apparently, other trivial elements stepped in causin a big black dot on a white wall and scrubbed it off requires mammoth strength.
for now, things are leaned to my favour, a little. the best park is it is still within control!

end of tunnel?

end of the tunnel? unknown. the tunnel have several exits, if you miss one, you don't know when is the next one comin nor are you aware where does the exit leads to. the exit could lead you to a beautiful place or junkyard, i don't know. all i know now is i'm takin one step at a time, basically waitin for 'miracle' to happen. it's too much for mE to ponder through, even though i know the importance and urgency of it. =(
stress, mainly mentally, self-inflicted, unnecessary, unpleasant and undesirable is buildin up with the number of choices to make.
no choice, stress; got choices, no better.
for mE, choices are waitin, but i guess time is no waitin for mE. =)

change.

was watchin the final episode of 楼住有情人 on cable tv channel 55.
it brought mE thinkin a little. when will a stubborn person changed or when will miracle really occur? to mE as i observed, on most basis, it's on when somethin great or with gigantic impact befall. in show, it's usually when someone dies or some thing is lost, in a gloomy light. i still remembered what actually brought mE to love my KD so much. quite saddenin which i reckon it shouldn't even have took place at first, but it did. i learned through the hardest to love and changed myself. thereafter, i am totally different, changed to a person poles apart when i didn't thought anythin close would have even happened. lookin back on it, i realised how dumb and stupid i was to have damaged and upset KD. however, i have learnt. never to commit it ever again.
what a change.

dilemma

i am in a dilemma. don't know whether KD is tellin mE the truth or not.
i really put my fullest trust in KD de, i trust KD to the max, no matter what, i will trust everythin that KD said. but these days, KD said things that contradict whatever was said before and done before. KD don't, or i mean used to don't like this and that until recently that things 'changed'. i really very lost at what do i have to do.