stop it, the feelin is tormentin, i felt out of place. i want nothin jus a good talk with you. that is all that i wanted. but nevertheless, you showed mE your sleepy look, you told mE that you're tired and you ain't listen to mE. at least i cut short everythin and attempted to make sure things goes well and tomorrow will be better. but you lied.
JIM JIM JIM!~
blooody bastard, enough is enough. why do you always have spoilt the sweet and nice relationship. such a jerk.
why can't you jus hold a stable and sweet relationship at hand and keep restort to make it sour.
GRAB A HOLD OF YOURSELF! know what is right and DO IT! PLEASE!
JD. =(
can't believe i am so so so dumb and stupid to commit the mistake of the same nature again. jus so dead again. it's jus so mE. dumb and stupid and idiotic and retarded. well. i could've avoided it. really i could, but i didn't see it comin so close, perhaps i am really not such a good boyfriend material at all. sigh. =(
it's been nearly two months after vv came. i have terribly did lotsa wrong thing to vv. felt miserable and heartachin all thank to mE bein so green. argh!
i've to pay for my silly mistake, but thankfully, i've a lovely and nice KD there by my side to help mE with all my dumb act. i don't know how much more do i've to learn enough. i really wanna stop hurtin vv. i love KD, JDKD love vv. =)
btw was browsin through fb when i outta no where came across someone i really detest a lot. someone who cut in and play foul when KD and i had a heated arguement. talkin about this someone jus simply makes my blood boils and KD used to choose this someone over mE. how frustratin and shockin to know that KD brought this someone home durin birthday. well. what's over's over, but unwittingly, it's not over when shadow remains, when roots is still in the soil readily waitin to shoot it's stem out. oh well. it's KD's decision to break tie or not.
my last hammy left. sob. my second last hammy die kinda horribly. sorry.
but i reckon the one that i should sorry to is KD. i didn't really know KD will react so violently. really. i am such a bitch, so cheap and so worthless. sorry KD. it really hurts a lot.
weekend was short.
nothin much actually happened except a simple short film and dinner on saturday. stay home sunday and that's about it.
work is nothin good either. sick and tired of things. a lotsa things. anyway, will jus let it be for now.
currently, got quite a few things on my mind. wanna get and do quite a lotsa things. but the best of all and confirm is, the van is comin tomorrow. =) at least, it's somethin that is confirm for now.
love transcend all differences. a phrase i learnt last night from a show.
i felt these days, physical difference between KD and mE've been widen. principle contribution is work while another one is mE. i also've this ideology that after a good two relationship we'll and should be truthful to each other, surprise on the one hand'll be somethin outta the picture. when i want somethin or think about somethin i ask KD. when KD wants somethin or thought of anythin it, somehow appears that i'll know it after everythin ended or the event've been taken over. say that the most recent incident, KD wanna talk over the phone while on a oversea work trip, i was playn mahjong. i answered the call and talk with lotsa distraction and interruption from the mj table. we talked for four minutes and KD wanna hang. shortly, i receive a sms statin why i didn't stop playin for a while and move aside to talk especially when it's an oversea call. i felt i'm bein very sensitive and not carin enough, but why torture by tellin mE when everythin had ended, why can't KD jus said while on the phone, "i wanna talk a bit, can move away from the table or stop playin for a while?" what's wrong bein truthful? nothin wrong, but the point is after damages is done, I FELT DAMN SHITTY! a lousy partner i am. well... this is one, i jus felt that our miscommunication've dramstic increase over the weeks and i'm very disturbed by the way i am treated. KD no longer take lead and all the sweet sweet thing like huggin or kissin mE anymore. i jus don't know what KD wants, i will only sit at a corner and tearin away. i did and really did.
i jus simply hate it when my hands are tied, i can't do anythin to help.
KD is late for work, very late in fact. i called the cell phone, it went to voicemail. i can't call house as KD claims everyone is asleep and i can't wake KD and everyone up. this time KD is very late and i wanna go all the way to the house and wake KD up or call home to wake KD up. somehow, somethin jus reminded that KD rather to get scoldin from bosses or bad performance than wake the whole family who doesn't really care anythin about KD whether'll KD be late and all.
well... if i am late, my parents or brothers will come and ask mE or wake mE up. i think my parents quite nice de. regardless what, i jus got the feelin that whatever KD does for the family, no one appreciate it and will take it for granted. seein KD late for work, NO ONE in the BIG household will even bother to even ask or wake KD up. sad. i guess i am in no position to talk much. but i am so so so angry at myself and all. when KD text mE, "i am so late", i got so upset and frustrated that why the phone was even off. why KD don't take measures and will make plans fail. i can't vent my frustration anywhere other than my blog. anyway, gOod mOrnin folks.
marley and me is a nice and sad show. KD cried. sob. it's about a family tryin to raise 'the worst dog you can ever have' and see how the family piece together and then the dog dies. so sad. most importantly, is how john makes decision about his future and plans for the himself while carin for others. takin a five minutes in the car seems to help and is a good relaxer and soother tool.
argued with KD before show while havin dinner. all thanks to my dumb idea of eatin mini steamboat which i waited for god-damn half an hour and missed the first part of the show. i think KD hates mE and is very angry at mE. sob. KD wanted to give mE a surprise and i didn't know about it till i bring my food back to table and we started our mini arguement and i hurried chewin my food. i am such a disappointment. sob.
btw bought eggs, sugar and soya sauce for breakfast at ntuc. so cool.
hope KD not angry at mE le. sorry KD.
