Taiwan

It is a good week to begin with.
+ Am going for TW trip next week.
+ Had Dinner with KD
+ Received Promotion Letter today WEF 01 August
+ Felt love!

- Had to pay over 1.3k worth of taxes

unwanted

i am unwanted once again.
statement you used to make: "let's go home now"
statement you now make: "can i go home yet"
statement you used to make: "are we gonna sleep now"
statement you now make: "i am very tired now"

i remember this comment that you made that i like to tell my friends everythin about us, the nice one and the ugly one. what is the point of drying your dirty linear in the public. now i come back to the same point that you don't talk to mE. all you ask is, 'can i go home now' or 'i am very tired now'. when i make the point that i am very sick and weak and tired last night, i was told to get lost and find your own way home. should i do the same?
i am seriously upset, i cried all over again typin this. there is simply no one i can talk to. sh is not someone i wanna share my relationship issue with. i have been neglected. your xh, ss, saiz could be more important and heard more often than mE.
i really cherish your love and you being with mE until you hurled hurtful words at mE when i did nothin. i cared and scared that you might get into accident, get beaten up by hooligan or too tired slept along the road, i aint worried about anythin else but your safety and well being. all i get is 'i hang out with straight friends'.'
i felt so so so hurt and there is simply no one i can talk to. no one understand how much i have been through at work and back at relationship, i am being neglected and accused that i don't care about you. everythin has stopped and halted for a while for my study and all, except you. my dinner last was terribly short (less than an hour for steamboat), the wedding meetin was terribly short too (less than a quarter), but the whole afternoon i was with you because i love you and really wanna spend time with you, interact with you, talk to you and touch you. throughout the whole week, i only had yesterday afternoon and today evening to spend with you. interaction was low and the bad quarrel started coz you hurled words at mE the third time when i merely tell you that i need to get food. now i didn't take my dinner and i have to take my pills. when i was sick, i had simply no one to attend to, my back ached, i had to bite my teeth and carry on with life, when my legs hurt this evening walkin, i jus carried on walking with you. all i ask of you is to love mE and take better care of mE. but the reply i get is, 'if i care about you, who is goin to care about me'. i kept slient coz i care for you everyday, every moment silently.

right now, i am jus another unwanted offline. ="(

---

14 May 11 - Zoo outing with OC
15 May 11 - 8Q at SAM, collection of 100plus Passion Run Race Pack, Singapore Arts Fest Show

week 19 of 2011

070511 - watch thor at amk hub
100511 - on MC, last day of graduation and got Regro for hair
110511 - branch cohesion

cried baby again

been cryin and cryin and cryin non stop today.
tear drops kept rolling down uncontrollably.
i am a bad boyfriend once again.
i love you and hope that you stay.
this time i really did nothin wrong, the only mistake is that i have not love you enough.

family

this is one time that i felt very very very upset and sad.
i am sorry that only when things hit the rocks then i felt it comin.
every new year, some family disaster at my father's side will sadly happened.
this year, my youngest uncle and his wife is preparin for divorce.
last year, my second and third auntie turned against each other terribly and started fightin. relationship turn sour and never got any better since.
year before that, my second uncle got divorced.
year before that, my eldest uncle turned against all siblings and started a series of unhappiness episode with everyone and my grandfather passed away shortly before.
year before that everyone turn against each other because of money matter a year after my grandmother pass away.
i never highly regard my father's side as somethin to look at. they are hardly without moral or worse, brains. a brunch of scum who i thought came from india's slum.
btw my grandfather and grandmother divorced shortly after my brother arrived.
i am worried and hope that my family wont be listed akin to above.

weik & edi

i was told to comment somethin about Edison Sng:

well. from the start, he doesnt look that friendly and of course, in his own world and his phone. perhaps a new environment and friends that he aint familiar with that he was way in secluded world and reluctant to speak.
i was late, unfailingly. didnt really catch his name and all and doubt he really bother that i even arrive kinda bother mE. worse, weik didnt really introduce his 'new' friend. i had to check with song as it is a little awkward to be shouting over, 'who is he?'
doesnt really bother much until the photo takin part where i joked about 'the sixth guy' and made photo to be taken. doesnt seems friendly still. not my friend, i shant care more.

took a walk over to the milkshake place only to realise how close weik is to him and sorta guess that it aint really jus simple friendship. this is one time that i took a close full look at his dressing and compare to the one next to him is kinda a hell of difference.
i do take serious view in different dress sense as it tells people too too too much about a particular person. if dressin doesnt match, many other things will simply doesnt too. a simple dress code tell more then a thousand words.
attemptin to be nice and friendly and round edi in to the topic, lesser old topic were mentioned and moved on to current topic. slowly, he entered the topic and started talkin a little.
well... it jus ends off there. being shy and quiet aint a mistake especially new friends, but 'i am g**' jus simply took everyone out by surprised. he aint that shy after all. louder than song... i was impressed, not positively impressed though. such an impulse doesnt sound right in front of a group of newly acquired friends especially they are your date's.

next to the club, edi didnt get drunk, that is kinda nice and some basic courtesy i supposed. better off, edi and weik stick to each other like honey and bee. nice right? how sweet.
didnt talk much at the club though. it is only subsequent chat that i realised that the distance somehow exists.
common topic were limited.
physical distance like house and school were apart.
style is different.
mannerism and gesture does not complement each other.
channel of how each other met doesnt seems appropriate.
weik seems actively talkin and closin in.
edi seems inactively acceptin and cant be bother more.
couple look or behaviour is definitely not even one percent to what song and zu is.

but, both had things to talk about each other life.
regardless how minor the issue was, weik and edi shared with each other.
the communication between was seems unobstructed.

well... i had spoke.
dont make mE regret that and really thinks that 'it would be best, if i jus shut up'
kinda gain the feelin that both like each other.

nye

on 31 Dec 2010,
i went for a little dinner with a few friends - song, zu, haox, khim, weik and edi at some cafe at tanjong pagar followin dessert at some milkshake bar. last is club at some P place.

how does it feel to be havin a terrible runnin and blocked nose with a bad headache?

sucky. especially you have to endure it yourself for the whole day and no one came to your rescue.

the thing i would like to express and say is,
i dont really feel the love from you anymore. you used to send mE home and put mE in bed when i am not sober or well. i am upset about how i have to climb the flight of stair and every step is pain. it is obvious that you dont care about mE when you zoom pass, hurryin home to rest. my headache is nothin but killin mE. i have been unwell except from the way i drive and upset about every small, but that doesnt ring a bell to you.
it has come to a point that the love needs renewal or will be gone.
if it is deems that you dont deserve my love as i am such a drunken and you will do nothin to hold mE and send mE, i rest my peace and look for someone who doesnt drink and can happily settle with you for the remainin life.
i simply cannot bring you any happiness at all, or perhaps only on bed is the only thing that i can satisfy you. the way you dont hold my hand. the way you dont look at all and the way you dont concentrate in kissin mE tells mE all and nothin else.
if you seek for greener pasture, i bid farewell to you and hope you get the person of your life and live happily ever after.
from your dearest JD.
at least for 010111

blissful

felt kinda bliss to be drivin home alone in vv after a noisy and borin night at club.
holdin a cup of milkshake while travellin on the high way at wee hours was kinda serene style of comfortin myself with a dash of self-reflection.

for the past some twenty years, all i could possibly remember are basically good sunny days with love one or havin terrifically memorable fun rainy days. many bad memories have, probably good been swept clean. nonetheless, some significant awful days are still vivid for learnin purpose.
i felt bliss who have someone to love and love mE.
parents who unfailingly supported every single piece of my life.
friends who occasionally appear to spice life up.
event and gatherin which are soup and dessert to complement life.
colleagues who are benign and chip in about lunch-time gossip of fellow colleague.

point to note: never forget to do your hair before you go out.