happy

happy that i got new phone
happy that i got new cards
happy that i got new lens
happy that christmas is comin
happy that KD is there to spend the christmas with mE!~

thank you KD!~

Avenue Q and Topic Thunder

went for Avenue Q and subsequently, Topic Thunder. though the Proposition 8 won the race, yes sadly. discrimation will goes on regardless whether No On 8 or Yes On 8, but the point is that more LGBT are comin out, are active and are recognised. recognised by shows, google, microsoft, celebraties and lots. though the 'war' seems lost, but i see it as the start. the start of an era where lots more are takin off their tinted spec and LBGT are rootin firm on their ground. anyway, both AQ and Topic Thunder features gay in the show, somethin i am glad about. oh well... gay and lesbian, bi and trans, i am so so so proud of where you're right now!~

back from bali

well... bali is not as nice as i thought it would be. but i have fun with KD.

fly

starin and waitin at the green grass patch.
a minute pass, the bird landed.
"let's go"
in and seated tightly,
eyes stuck at the rear, out at the buildings below us.
up, up and away.
two minutes later, stand up and 'good shuffle steps'.
one after another went.
face was white and blankly movin to the rear.
"GO!"
anxiety came and left the moment my foot stepped off.
"one thousand, two thousand, three thousand. CHECK!"
forgotten about anythin else and lookin out for others around.
steer left, steer right avoidin the hard ground.
"three, two, one. ARGH!!!!~~~ safe."
pack up and walk back in one piece.
i'm safe.

a life time experience.

=)

i think smilin will be hard for mE this days.
been tied down with a lots thing.
really find work unsuitable for mE. really.
i can see a lots things comin to an end.
=) smilin while i still can.

jealous

jus came back from some place that i would hardly dream myself to be five years ago and stuck onto a job that i never thought i would want as a job, but somehow the unexpected always happened. well... as i was waitin for my clothes to get washed in the washin machine, i turned to the computer next door and logged on to the internet instinctive to facebook and only to see some changes and i am bloody jealous of. somethin i thought i would never mind, but somehow the sight of it really makes my blood boil fast and furious. i don't think i wanna mention it in front my beloved because i have to respect the decision on the action was made and on what ground was i to make afterall, they were together.
i decided to rest the case and facebook? i rest it too. my only entertainment on the internet somehow faded, i need new entertainment online.
=(

MISTAKE

my mistake. i made a grave mistake. i made a scene, i made a big fuss, i made KD unhappy.
the surprise came not only for KD, but to mE too. i was surprised or in fact shock and my heart beat skipped. i was speechless, was stunned like never before, my limbs numbed, i was in cold sweat and all this happened so suddenly without even a hint. i knew nuts about all, i didn't expect it, it is one thing that i would never ever expect. comin in direct contact was dreadful, was wrong, was undesired, was near death.
i got little, very very very little choice with that sudden appearance, in fact, zero notice. out of impulse i have to, or in fact, i must leave. i must recover myself. i cannot think too much, i must trust KD. "i must trust KD" statement kept goin on and on over the few seconds we things occured, but it is kind of impossible to think otherwise at that point of time on the different rationale of what exactly happened. this is especially so when the trust built was on firm ground, never was there a time that such huge amount of trust that i gave. i called, asked and truth was supposed to be told. however, sometime, most will prefer white lies, be it healthy or not. when truth was found, dire calamity would sometimes be inevitable.
still fault lies in mE, mE for runnin away on impulse, for not clarifyin things, for not think of other scenerio that could possibly be, but i trust KD. i trust KD won't do such things and really KD didn't, luckily.
thank you KD.

btw,Happy Birthday to KD!~ muck

paradigm shifted

went to brunei and back beginnin july. started new course subsequently. got busy for a while. KD finished the MCAT and awaitin for results, all the best for it. had some fun time for anni and pre-birthday celebration with KD. btw did i mention that i went for national day parade and fireworks display yesterday. ha. olympic in china ended today. spectacular i would say. nothin else much happened meanwhile.
anyway, that's not the highlight i wanna talk about now. as the title stated, paradigm shifted.
more and more time we get to hear people, not only from old folk, it also some young adult who complained "durin my time... ... ..." so what? well... think about this very simple example, when i was young ten years ago, i accidentally dropped a two dollars note on my way home and guess what my folks will do when i reached home? i get a terrible bad scoldin and have to go and search for it. now, if a kid did the same, the parents will jus "be careful, never mind, i give you another two dollars". to mE, that's what happened. do you encounter somethin similar? what does it simply mean? spare the rod and spoil the child? partially. but the main issue that nowadays people faced are what i define as "Disposable Age". everythin is disposable, since it's cheap and convenient. if somethin is lost, it's Ok, jus BUY a new one. everythin we talked about now is jus get new one will do. that jus bring mE back to my job where things are expensive and not easily available in the market. so the student who comes to use it, spoilt it, lost it, damage it, then the next thing is, never mind lor, jus get a new one. from young, they were not taught to protect their belongings, no sense of belongin and responsibility over things. simply because of the brought up, every small thing can simply tell others of you. like finishin till the last grain of rice, returnin used plates, sharin of seats and all. life have been very materialistic and only tangible item were emphasize. value, roots and not takin things for granted were hardly bein taught and passed on, resultin in current "Disposble Age". this is especially so where rods are spared and kids when young were showered with lotsa love and toys at no condition. when they grew up, all these were taken for granted and it's somethin that they MUST have.
take a look at the recent local production, money not enough 2, the show clearly stated the importance of family value and how unbecomin homes have become. in the end, one'll only be physically rich and mentally lackin. true or not? look into yourself.

happenin.

a lotsa happenin these days. i shan't mention them. but there is one significant decision i have made.
i am stayin with my current work. too many consideration to ponder upon, but it seems to be the best outta everythin now. relationship is somewhat stable jus that wave looks calm, current is strong.

280608

passed both my basic and advance driving theory test already.
bought new toshiba laptop.
goin brunei tonight and comin back on the 10th.
jus celebrated anni at pan pacific.
a course jus ended.
new course startin.
KD've became more acceptance of things. i hope that's true.
relationship gotten more stable. i hope too.
i love KD more.

btw, to KD: muck. love you.

idiot

i am such a idiot and such a fool. btw i didn't chose mj over you.

speechless.

a lotsa things happened these days. really a lot. sigh. never mind. past shall be past.
i jus bought a new laptop btw.

kiss

jus watched this very delicious, sweet and nice show titled "P.S. I love you"
very very very nice, full of meanin, learned a couple of lesson from it.
the show is highly recommended to couple out there or single who split up.

anyway, i received my kiss from the love of my life. =)

8 Steps to Present Lo Hei

Well Wishes	When Adding Condiments
恭喜发财 + 万事如意	Placing the set on the table
大吉大利	Lime juice to the ingredients
年年有余 + 龙马精神	Placing the abalone on the ingredients
一本万利	Sprinkling pepper & five-spice powder sachets
油水多多	Pouring oil & sauce over
金银满屋	Sprinkling chopped peanuts
生意兴隆	Sprinkling the sesame
满地黄金	Golden crackers

holiday

took leave on friday, 2nd may so that i can have a long holiday from 1st may till today. in view of that, KD and i went for a short getaway trip to nearby genting for three days. the trip was fun, but yet not as enjoyable and relax than the one to bintan. anyway, i did like it a lot. somehow, i felt that KD and i have not been thinkin on the same frequency recently, which i believe that it's the stress that KD have been receivin. i have given KD a great amount of stress too. pretty guilty and felt kinda bad over it, but i am jus worried. well... what will come will eventually come. plans are still not destroy yet, jus shelved for a while and once the appropriate time comes, we shall see fruits.

formula drift

wee... went formula drift this afternoon with KD. quite fun and nice. bought a nice shirt too... wee...

btw, won a nice cd last week, quite nice de. KD collected for mE. nice nice...

go if you want

there have been a string of things that happened for the past few days, these things jus reminds mE of the past, the very sad past, the history that should never even have happen. regrettably, it did, mostly out of foolishness, stupidity or whatever bad things you might cross your mind. furthermore, i am jus dumb, stupid, idiot and all.
the things now were no longer the same, i am 'unlove', unwanted and confuse. confuse why am i still holdin on to when detachin from mE seems good for everyone. no matter how much i love, i long to be, i never thought of lettin go, the fact still remains everythin is jus different now. doin everythin seems to be more of obligation and not anythin else.
i must admit that i am a bad, stupid and selfish person. its about time i did somethin right and stop forcin things to go my way reluctantly. all i wanna say now is go if you want, i got absolutely no rights to stop. i mean it. =)

past

time past and some past have been history.
somethin that i've been neglectin have became history. i am no longer the person that you seems to know.
this evenin had a usual quarterly dinner with the gang. pretty glad that everyone is able to make it, in this case, KD joined us. i'm glad that KD did. the chat was a thing that i somehow been lookin forward to coz it's a real good group of friends chat. everyone of us came from very very different backgrounds and of different age group but apparently jus somehow our path were once crossed about five years and opportunity came and we were kinda good friends till this very day. anyway, it seems that my change in personality and dressin and all are kinda drastic and obvious which caught their attention. true enough, i was no longer the mE a year ago. jus barely one year, i made changes. a teacher once told mE this, "a leopard never change its spot". this statement is the only childhood statement that i remember. i never remember how i been through my primary and secondary school, never really the process and the lesson. all i could remember was the people that been crossed my path and pulled mE up from pit hole, but i never seem to keep contact since then.
well... enough of history. watched this musical play yesterday titled, 'we will rock you'. it about some rock musical with several all time favorite from the Queen. i am one that never know anythin about english music till the end of my secondary school education. it kinda a eye opener for mE though. ha. like it pretty much.
the past, the history.

so...

so i've done so much, is it worth it?
so will the end still be the same?
so what if process is beautiful, end is ugly?
so should i still do anymore?
so what if i don't do so much?

i SUX

well...
after years of self-denial, i must admit that i am useless.

real world

well... it's been sometime since KD stepped out of gettin educated and have stepped into educatin profession. i really mean profession. afterall, pay ain't that bad for someone fresh except the unstated long hours in hours and hectic last minute arrow shot at you. i ain't really complainin much, jus that i know my time ain't manage well enough and felt neglectin KD's feelin and welfare quite a fair bit. in addition, with the some external commitment that KD took up was more than sufficient get drown with workload.
one thing i really learned: work is never-endin. jus clear whatever work take precedence and is important is good enough. no one is gonna see what time you leave workplace, but lots other are lookin at what time you arrive.
KD is a very smart guy and too goody a person. however, in that case, if not well protected. it might be taken advantage and knows no limit. best is to be workin in a place with jobs well defined and shelter under the umbrella of good welfare. can't really be placed in the society where it's so evil, realistic and more realistic. realistic here is on the negative side. whatever it might be, i jus hope KD gain enough to pull through to the next lap with lots more obstacle.
jus bearin in mind that, avoidin can be a solution, in which mostly undesirable and inefficient. it's jus like maths, jus requires the correct formula to work.

bad day

KD WENT TO MALAYSIA WITH SCHOOL TODAY!
i am damn sad and miss KD bloody much and i am such a bloody, terrible, horrible and uncalled for person. i didn't realise my phone was off when KD have to make a lot of effort climbin up the mountain in order to gain good reception to give mE a call for us to hear and talk to each other. i am such a bad person for the start and i am kinda feelin real bad and jus wanna drop everythin right and think of good ways to torture myself for missin that important call. i am really terribly bad. i really don't know what to do but jus really say sorry. i have really done a lot of bad things to KD these days and really got nothin to say and do except to express my most sincere apology and get a reply that my "sorry is getting worthless".
i am really a bad boyfriend or i shouldn't even be one in the first place? =(

good day

i passed my basic drivin theory test. nothin much to be proud of after all as the test was relatively easy and idiot-proof less those trickster's question that would usually manage to trick a few aunties or so. sigh. but the best of all is that i only start my study two days ago and only flippin through pages. then came today which merely spent two hour in MOS Burger armed with a newly bought ten years series alike theory book and, buried myself in it till the rain get heavily. as much as i realised that i have not been study-smart for the past three while occupyin the current position at work as there is no necessity to, i seems to think school days were cool. anyway, time ticked fast and i am left with no choice but to storm the rain, grab a cab and rush to drivin centre ends up waitin for late-comers. test were automated with touch-screen LCD monitor and self-automated result printin machine, this made mE realised that it's 2008 already. btw, i passed my Basic Theory Test! i don't know what to do next. =P

facebook

argh... been busy these days with my facebook. it seems that i am too free now to do anythin else. ha. well... that's another story for another time.

one year and one month.

1yr1mth
time past so fast that i long forgotten about our 1yr agreement and i don't intend to keep it anyway.
kinda happy and sad, very much of a mixed feelin. felt very different.
happy coz it's very special.
sad coz it makes mE think back on the ugly past that i have created and how sucky i am.
nevertheless, i am very happy to be with KD.


Happy 1yr1mth

Reality

reality of nowadays very much differ from what appeared from yestern paradigm.
it was a time where home cooked food were only found at home, arts was a subject found in school and camera requires film.

though time still remains at twenty four hours a day and sun still rises from the west and set in the east, many entity before us seems to have evolved or begun to endanger as people livin on this little red dot have life expectancy of eighty. apparently, that might not or are not such a bad thing after all, takin the fact that travelin from the east to the west was sharply reduced and all gadgets were nano-ified to "palm size".

when environmental changes, in term of society and ecology, have can individual jus stand still there and refused to budge. there were time when curfews were imposed of returning home before ten, i lived in that era, but what for now when government encouraged people to extend their night time. ching-gay was a overnight item this year, it's on till late. every first friday of the month is midnight shoppin. more and more outlets opens 24hrs. 24hrs outlet could be considerably a flop ten years ago, other than 7-11 and now it's a hit.

thinkin were no doubt another victim of the paradigm shifted. the way people talks, behaves and thinks were diverted from the way it was. gentlemen are hard to find nowadays owin the fast pace the mass is movin at. family bond are made over computer or sms, not dinner. occasions were somewhat existed for the sake of bein a public holiday. values were found mainly in monetary term.

that is the reality.
=)

it's ONE.

it's one now.
that really give mE more motivation and more reason to stay on and push on.
*the rest about it is in my personal diary. =)

sleep

i can cannot sleep!
things have been bombardin my mind these days!!!
one thing for sure that SOMETHIN gonna change after the BIG day!

updown

up and down are inevitable in relationship. it somehow came to my attention that my blog is, sadly, an extremely useful avenue for mE to snap and shout out loud without hurtin or causin someone's sweet dreams to turn into nightmare.
somehow, with all due respect to profession that KD is workin now created some tension. the tension is some great and uptight that it is jus a matter of time that it will snap anytime when care is not properly administered. in retrospect, things might have gone this bad before, but it was well-informed and things were much properly managed without the tension settlin and the stress level ain't reachin boilin point. in the myriad relationships of my kind i've seen, daily encounter really ain't somethin that i see less cases of stayin together, but mine does even when it's nearin about a year of our union. the relationship now is dependin on this very much i guess, but apparently, other trivial elements stepped in causin a big black dot on a white wall and scrubbed it off requires mammoth strength.
for now, things are leaned to my favour, a little. the best park is it is still within control!

end of tunnel?

end of the tunnel? unknown. the tunnel have several exits, if you miss one, you don't know when is the next one comin nor are you aware where does the exit leads to. the exit could lead you to a beautiful place or junkyard, i don't know. all i know now is i'm takin one step at a time, basically waitin for 'miracle' to happen. it's too much for mE to ponder through, even though i know the importance and urgency of it. =(
stress, mainly mentally, self-inflicted, unnecessary, unpleasant and undesirable is buildin up with the number of choices to make.
no choice, stress; got choices, no better.
for mE, choices are waitin, but i guess time is no waitin for mE. =)

change.

was watchin the final episode of 楼住有情人 on cable tv channel 55.
it brought mE thinkin a little. when will a stubborn person changed or when will miracle really occur? to mE as i observed, on most basis, it's on when somethin great or with gigantic impact befall. in show, it's usually when someone dies or some thing is lost, in a gloomy light. i still remembered what actually brought mE to love my KD so much. quite saddenin which i reckon it shouldn't even have took place at first, but it did. i learned through the hardest to love and changed myself. thereafter, i am totally different, changed to a person poles apart when i didn't thought anythin close would have even happened. lookin back on it, i realised how dumb and stupid i was to have damaged and upset KD. however, i have learnt. never to commit it ever again.
what a change.

dilemma

i am in a dilemma. don't know whether KD is tellin mE the truth or not.
i really put my fullest trust in KD de, i trust KD to the max, no matter what, i will trust everythin that KD said. but these days, KD said things that contradict whatever was said before and done before. KD don't, or i mean used to don't like this and that until recently that things 'changed'. i really very lost at what do i have to do.

time passed, things still no change?

eleventh month jus slowly and sweetly passed. nothin had changed? i have not changed?

i am

i am jus unreasonable and demandin.
the sky is rainin now.

breakfast?

thoughts went wild, crazy, randomise, unacceptable and eventually empty.
an empty breakfast fills the mornin. was too upset to sleep properly last night. phone was jus next to mE and the time goes tickin away quietly while i waited for KD's sms for breakfast which i half told myself, it's fruitless waitin. i knew the result from the start, it's a foregone conclusion. well... to many, it's jus a breakfast no big deal about it. somehow, to mE, it's not jus a breakfast, it's a lover's breakfast for the two of us, spent time together, enjoy each other company, create a stronger bond, feed each other food and have fun.
it's till recent months that i enjoyed KD company a lot. KD been entertainin, talkative, supportive, selfless, encouragin, nice and all, but it's jus today, jus today, the irritatin thought that 'i am not really that special after all' came back to mE. the 'i am not really that special after all' feelin first strucked mE at lido when KD picked up the rollin-far-away-and-away-and-away and hard-to-get-out coin for a fat woman, i mean plump. it's a matter of treatin everyone includin your precious one the same. well... other than what-you-do-in-the-room, if everythin else is treated similar, it ain't really a relationship, right? you nicely bring food for others or make some hassle to get somethin for jus a friend, how about that? well... it's jus simply shows that 'i am not really that special after all'.
back to the point, i guessed for now the balance is between bein a nice and filial person or a full-time lover. this balance scale was hard for mE too, i got reprimanded for 'not respectin the elders', 'where's your chinese traditional value' and 'you are totally horrible'. that's when i put more weight for the relationship. i somehow felt that my rebellious attitude got up to my parent's nerves and can't use work as an excuse to miss anymore family dinner, but still i go out with my love one, regardless what. i was quite dishearten by the mere fact that we barely have time together, need to squeeze time and make time. weekend is no longer our. i was wonderin for anniversary.
in about a month time, anniversary is to be celebrated. somehow, i guess KD can't make time. family and work takes precedence, if i don't force and demand today, i can gladly forget about the anniversary that KD will make time.
well... i hope my strokes on the paintin will be significant some day.

happenings!

some little updates.

211207 - i bought a D40, went to vivocity and ate at the Thai restaurant
221207 - stay over somewhere nice till 231207
231207 - check out
241207 - friend's BBQ
291207 - went for boss's birthday party
301207 - went for dinner at taka's seoul garden
311207 - went for countdown
011208 - i was slackin at home
160107 - reopenin of the market at central

Prima Deli is BACK!

well... despite of the incident of the poisoning which somehow was quite of a BIG NEWS! it is back, went down this evenin and though the crowd was not as what was before, but somehow business is still fine after all. honestly for mE, i do quite like the price and the cake and the waffle. when it was closed for investigation and inspection and such, i was pretty upset over it. nevertheless, it's BACK. weee...

anyway, for those non newspaper reader:

-tekka market is closing for renovation.
-runnin KILLS!

Army major dies after 1.2km run 41-year-old walks half the distance back, collapses while cooling down in camp

-oil price increase, so food and transportation price should be increasin in due time.
-malaysian health minister was caught havin sex with his mistress for more than an hour by a CCTV and he quitted.

yawns.
i think that's more than enough of Singapore news.

facefaceface BOOK!

argh... facebook is gettin on my nerves! after ignorin lotsa requests for hours, i still have 514 requests left! sigh!

2008!

well... 2008 is here and is here to stay for another 365 days that is.
KD and i have successfully progressed into 2008 with a little party at a club. really felt bad that i was drunk shortly after jus the third drink and had caused terrible and horrible experience for my dearest KD and imposed Klein too. well... it's quite a bad start after all even though KD claimed that KD wasn't unhappy, but i sensed some little bit of unhappiness.
anyway, my first resolution is
in order not to get drunk, i will from this very hour onwards, not drink more than a glass of alcohol within 24 hours!
i guess this is the first step to fulfill a satisfied and happy relationship for KD and i. like i promised KD last night, i will never leave KD and will not do anythin bad to KD. on this very light note, this very relationship will last much longer than anyone will expect. ha.
btw, Happy New Year!

lost v1.1

i am lost!
my future is quite bleak. nothin is confirm, have to take one step at a time. can't jump, can't run. sigh! mind is very occupied, temper is short, tolerance dropped, work is not turning out what's supposed to be. a lotsa things turned out not in favor of mE.
anyway, i think i must really apologise to KD who have been bearin with my nonsense and stupid behaviour these days. thank you and sorry KD!

week!

what an eventful week!
had plentiful of fun with KD!