yesterday was a series of unhappiness event revolved around makin my head spinned.
it could be a day most dread and hope to forget it, but i think i will not. apparently, i made a promise to change for the better, not to make life miserable for KD and the relationship, reply at least a ttyl. i will.
today is KD's birthday. gave KD the present and i am glad KD is happy.
i reckon that the birthday cake's candle also lighten KD up a lot.
2:09:05
that was the timin i took for runnin 21km.
the view at fullerton hotel was fantastic.
did mention KD and i went to bishan j8 last sunday to watch 881? don't think so. ha... the show is sweet and nice and sweet lar... KD got touched. hehe... love KD so much... KD were so cute that day too. ha.
 | You scored as The Lovers, Divinatory Meaning: Intensity in relationships. Reverse Meaning: Obsessive relationships. Refusal to learn from relationships. You are a very passionate person. Others see you as very driven and opinionated. Remember that you have to pick your battles and that there is something to be learned from everyone. Allow yourself to grow from every relationship.
Which of the Major Arcana are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
was very hungry and tired. it's somethin that i've been experiencin for the past week. busy and self inflict stress are undeniable reasons why so. somehow, i'm happy that i am. it shows that i am puttin in effort in the upcomin birthday.
well... KD's birthday is comin. this comin week. so happy and lookin forward to it. lookin forward to the fruit of my stress and effort. it's kinda of one of the most important day i'm lookin forward to other than christmas. i love christmas badly. but i love my KD badly too... so KD's birthday is as important. planned somethin, had somethin in mind, but i've limitation. one of them is money. KD's restricted my spendin and hate mE spendin. i respect KD's decision since it's KD's birthday so i'm gonna spend minimum on celebratin it. but if you ain't gonna put in a amount of money then how're you gonna make it nice and special? hmm... i don't know too. but i know that i've to crack my mind to.
somehow, while makin plans for it, i realise how useless i am... useless mE.
finally we made up today. KD and i.
for this little afternoon, we didn't argue and quarrel about anythin. in fact, we rush to watch the touchin show 881 that caused a good number of people cry in the cinema. after the show, still unhappy, swallowin my temper and hidin my unwelcomin black face we took a train to bugis to walk and took some picture with the DSLR. quite cool. after that we managed to talk things out quite nicely and went for the 'cheap thrill' at the national library before headin home.
the little conversation we had this very afternoon somehow shows that i really do treasure KD and love KD a lot. the amount of changes that took place in mE since we started were countless. nowadays the thought of losin KD not only linger with dreadful terror, but also fear of shatterin the shinin path of future that we painted. till now, i still gloom with insecurity and lack of assurance, but not as much as yesterday after KD reiterated our future.
quite an eventful week had jus passed.
made quite a number of trip back and fro to see KD. it's jus some motivation i had that keeps mE goin nowadays. nevertheless, the new birth of the hammy this week gave new joy in our life.
we went for a small scale bbq at KD's friend's place on sunday, a little cat's pictures exhibition on monday, i was busy on tuesday night and i stayed over on wednesday where KD's mother made some comments. on that very monday, we stumbled across this seafood restaurant opposite the central, a new installation at clarke quay train station. the restaurant was nice and cheap.
went for imran's birthday yesterday. quite Ok. KD got a bit high from the tequila i bought. after the little event, a small unhappiness dampen the mood a little then, perhaps till this hour too. then KD came over for a while and left home. i held too tight on to KD and have not been havin enough time for myself. lackin of it only drive mE a little too close to KD and the threat of losin KD became more and more clear. a scorpion is one that whip its tail up when threat is nearin. the scorpion at this time seems forceful and full with force to cause you much anguish. but the honest truth is that the scorpion is scared, but have to maintain it's position.
apparently, work this week was rather fun and smooth. no arrows shot mE yet. jus doin what i should be doin.
thought back about what happened this week, unconsciously took mE back what happened some six months ago. saw my ex's bf yesterday. a sudden surge of unhappiness came gushin into my head and i decided not to look at him. that constrict mE to look the other way where i saw some of my old friend who i have not come in contact with a rough three years. we used to rattle about our daily happenin, met each other weekly. that was years ago and have not visited each other since then.
i am tired.
my eyes is weary.
i am sick of work.
my soul is weak.
didn't have good time at work at all. have to manage between subordinates and bosses.
bosses like to hammer you when things don't goes right not even realisin the root.
subordinates likes to complain that you're bad especially when they don't know what are you doin.
to this state, i am too tired to go the extra mile. keep one eye open is not enough, i might as well close both. i am sick of steppin into work and see email keep shootin and arrows keep flyin especially it keep flyin to people who are busy and easy to bully. my soul is now weak at work and don't wish to bother too much, i will jus stick to what i have to do ONLY.
but... i am happy too, coz
i got KD with mE by my side always and i will be on KD's side too.
i got good old time buddy like ryan, gary, darren and patrick who never forget each other.
i got good friends like klein, zihao, alvin, jimmy, sly, jerald and others who kept makin mE miss them.
i got supportive parents to be there always.
lastly, i got my hands, legs, eyes, nose, mouth and brain to drive mE on each and every day.
think i need a rest le. ran 16km this very mornin, caught a bit of nap and spent about one hour and the half travellin over to meet someone that special who apparently don't miss mE. is it worth it? don't know. but as far as i know i miss this very person very much.
quite a lotsa things happened for the past few days, very traumatising experience which will eventually lead to some changes in mE. some long term change. not expectin anythin is one of them. i jus keep lookin forward to tomorrow for the sake that tomorrow is comin. that's all.
little did i expect this. stupidly i have opened someone's email and outta good will i wanted to help to check for any important email.
i saw somethin that breaks my heart. period.
took a very long walk back to office yesterday with my boss and colleague. she wanted us to walk. it's quite a reluctant walk. at least, i was reluctant and unhappy over it, but i doubt there's nothin i can do. went back office, cleared a bit of work and started with my PSP. played for a while and headed off to swim and returned home after that.
missed KD a lot bah. KD left to redang for scuba divin. sigh. so sad. tomorrow is our sixth month anniversary le. so happy... realised the irony? so sad and so happy. don't know also. ha. was kinda stressed over what to do for anniversary. KD taught mE to save money, not to anyhow spend money, but to mE, anniversary, especially sixth month or a year is kinda special and i wanna celebrate it grandly. grand does it mean spendin a lot of money? to mE, yes, but i won't bah. or i mean tryin not to. wanna apply with KD taught mE, not to spend mE and makin it special. i'm tryin to come up with nice and beautiful plan. breakin my skull and thinkin. i'm still thinkin.
