sleep

i can cannot sleep!
things have been bombardin my mind these days!!!
one thing for sure that SOMETHIN gonna change after the BIG day!

updown

up and down are inevitable in relationship. it somehow came to my attention that my blog is, sadly, an extremely useful avenue for mE to snap and shout out loud without hurtin or causin someone's sweet dreams to turn into nightmare.
somehow, with all due respect to profession that KD is workin now created some tension. the tension is some great and uptight that it is jus a matter of time that it will snap anytime when care is not properly administered. in retrospect, things might have gone this bad before, but it was well-informed and things were much properly managed without the tension settlin and the stress level ain't reachin boilin point. in the myriad relationships of my kind i've seen, daily encounter really ain't somethin that i see less cases of stayin together, but mine does even when it's nearin about a year of our union. the relationship now is dependin on this very much i guess, but apparently, other trivial elements stepped in causin a big black dot on a white wall and scrubbed it off requires mammoth strength.
for now, things are leaned to my favour, a little. the best park is it is still within control!

end of tunnel?

end of the tunnel? unknown. the tunnel have several exits, if you miss one, you don't know when is the next one comin nor are you aware where does the exit leads to. the exit could lead you to a beautiful place or junkyard, i don't know. all i know now is i'm takin one step at a time, basically waitin for 'miracle' to happen. it's too much for mE to ponder through, even though i know the importance and urgency of it. =(
stress, mainly mentally, self-inflicted, unnecessary, unpleasant and undesirable is buildin up with the number of choices to make.
no choice, stress; got choices, no better.
for mE, choices are waitin, but i guess time is no waitin for mE. =)

change.

was watchin the final episode of 楼住有情人 on cable tv channel 55.
it brought mE thinkin a little. when will a stubborn person changed or when will miracle really occur? to mE as i observed, on most basis, it's on when somethin great or with gigantic impact befall. in show, it's usually when someone dies or some thing is lost, in a gloomy light. i still remembered what actually brought mE to love my KD so much. quite saddenin which i reckon it shouldn't even have took place at first, but it did. i learned through the hardest to love and changed myself. thereafter, i am totally different, changed to a person poles apart when i didn't thought anythin close would have even happened. lookin back on it, i realised how dumb and stupid i was to have damaged and upset KD. however, i have learnt. never to commit it ever again.
what a change.

dilemma

i am in a dilemma. don't know whether KD is tellin mE the truth or not.
i really put my fullest trust in KD de, i trust KD to the max, no matter what, i will trust everythin that KD said. but these days, KD said things that contradict whatever was said before and done before. KD don't, or i mean used to don't like this and that until recently that things 'changed'. i really very lost at what do i have to do.

time passed, things still no change?

eleventh month jus slowly and sweetly passed. nothin had changed? i have not changed?

i am

i am jus unreasonable and demandin.
the sky is rainin now.

breakfast?

thoughts went wild, crazy, randomise, unacceptable and eventually empty.
an empty breakfast fills the mornin. was too upset to sleep properly last night. phone was jus next to mE and the time goes tickin away quietly while i waited for KD's sms for breakfast which i half told myself, it's fruitless waitin. i knew the result from the start, it's a foregone conclusion. well... to many, it's jus a breakfast no big deal about it. somehow, to mE, it's not jus a breakfast, it's a lover's breakfast for the two of us, spent time together, enjoy each other company, create a stronger bond, feed each other food and have fun.
it's till recent months that i enjoyed KD company a lot. KD been entertainin, talkative, supportive, selfless, encouragin, nice and all, but it's jus today, jus today, the irritatin thought that 'i am not really that special after all' came back to mE. the 'i am not really that special after all' feelin first strucked mE at lido when KD picked up the rollin-far-away-and-away-and-away and hard-to-get-out coin for a fat woman, i mean plump. it's a matter of treatin everyone includin your precious one the same. well... other than what-you-do-in-the-room, if everythin else is treated similar, it ain't really a relationship, right? you nicely bring food for others or make some hassle to get somethin for jus a friend, how about that? well... it's jus simply shows that 'i am not really that special after all'.
back to the point, i guessed for now the balance is between bein a nice and filial person or a full-time lover. this balance scale was hard for mE too, i got reprimanded for 'not respectin the elders', 'where's your chinese traditional value' and 'you are totally horrible'. that's when i put more weight for the relationship. i somehow felt that my rebellious attitude got up to my parent's nerves and can't use work as an excuse to miss anymore family dinner, but still i go out with my love one, regardless what. i was quite dishearten by the mere fact that we barely have time together, need to squeeze time and make time. weekend is no longer our. i was wonderin for anniversary.
in about a month time, anniversary is to be celebrated. somehow, i guess KD can't make time. family and work takes precedence, if i don't force and demand today, i can gladly forget about the anniversary that KD will make time.
well... i hope my strokes on the paintin will be significant some day.

happenings!

some little updates.

211207 - i bought a D40, went to vivocity and ate at the Thai restaurant
221207 - stay over somewhere nice till 231207
231207 - check out
241207 - friend's BBQ
291207 - went for boss's birthday party
301207 - went for dinner at taka's seoul garden
311207 - went for countdown
011208 - i was slackin at home
160107 - reopenin of the market at central

Prima Deli is BACK!

well... despite of the incident of the poisoning which somehow was quite of a BIG NEWS! it is back, went down this evenin and though the crowd was not as what was before, but somehow business is still fine after all. honestly for mE, i do quite like the price and the cake and the waffle. when it was closed for investigation and inspection and such, i was pretty upset over it. nevertheless, it's BACK. weee...

anyway, for those non newspaper reader:

-tekka market is closing for renovation.
-runnin KILLS!

Army major dies after 1.2km run 41-year-old walks half the distance back, collapses while cooling down in camp

-oil price increase, so food and transportation price should be increasin in due time.
-malaysian health minister was caught havin sex with his mistress for more than an hour by a CCTV and he quitted.

yawns.
i think that's more than enough of Singapore news.

facefaceface BOOK!

argh... facebook is gettin on my nerves! after ignorin lotsa requests for hours, i still have 514 requests left! sigh!

2008!

well... 2008 is here and is here to stay for another 365 days that is.
KD and i have successfully progressed into 2008 with a little party at a club. really felt bad that i was drunk shortly after jus the third drink and had caused terrible and horrible experience for my dearest KD and imposed Klein too. well... it's quite a bad start after all even though KD claimed that KD wasn't unhappy, but i sensed some little bit of unhappiness.
anyway, my first resolution is
in order not to get drunk, i will from this very hour onwards, not drink more than a glass of alcohol within 24 hours!
i guess this is the first step to fulfill a satisfied and happy relationship for KD and i. like i promised KD last night, i will never leave KD and will not do anythin bad to KD. on this very light note, this very relationship will last much longer than anyone will expect. ha.
btw, Happy New Year!

lost v1.1

i am lost!
my future is quite bleak. nothin is confirm, have to take one step at a time. can't jump, can't run. sigh! mind is very occupied, temper is short, tolerance dropped, work is not turning out what's supposed to be. a lotsa things turned out not in favor of mE.
anyway, i think i must really apologise to KD who have been bearin with my nonsense and stupid behaviour these days. thank you and sorry KD!

week!

what an eventful week!
had plentiful of fun with KD!