breakfast?

thoughts went wild, crazy, randomise, unacceptable and eventually empty.
an empty breakfast fills the mornin. was too upset to sleep properly last night. phone was jus next to mE and the time goes tickin away quietly while i waited for KD's sms for breakfast which i half told myself, it's fruitless waitin. i knew the result from the start, it's a foregone conclusion. well... to many, it's jus a breakfast no big deal about it. somehow, to mE, it's not jus a breakfast, it's a lover's breakfast for the two of us, spent time together, enjoy each other company, create a stronger bond, feed each other food and have fun.
it's till recent months that i enjoyed KD company a lot. KD been entertainin, talkative, supportive, selfless, encouragin, nice and all, but it's jus today, jus today, the irritatin thought that 'i am not really that special after all' came back to mE. the 'i am not really that special after all' feelin first strucked mE at lido when KD picked up the rollin-far-away-and-away-and-away and hard-to-get-out coin for a fat woman, i mean plump. it's a matter of treatin everyone includin your precious one the same. well... other than what-you-do-in-the-room, if everythin else is treated similar, it ain't really a relationship, right? you nicely bring food for others or make some hassle to get somethin for jus a friend, how about that? well... it's jus simply shows that 'i am not really that special after all'.
back to the point, i guessed for now the balance is between bein a nice and filial person or a full-time lover. this balance scale was hard for mE too, i got reprimanded for 'not respectin the elders', 'where's your chinese traditional value' and 'you are totally horrible'. that's when i put more weight for the relationship. i somehow felt that my rebellious attitude got up to my parent's nerves and can't use work as an excuse to miss anymore family dinner, but still i go out with my love one, regardless what. i was quite dishearten by the mere fact that we barely have time together, need to squeeze time and make time. weekend is no longer our. i was wonderin for anniversary.
in about a month time, anniversary is to be celebrated. somehow, i guess KD can't make time. family and work takes precedence, if i don't force and demand today, i can gladly forget about the anniversary that KD will make time.
well... i hope my strokes on the paintin will be significant some day.